Loura and Stephen start by connecting the dots between the wisdom that Sherry Walling shared and their other guests related to emotional safety, trauma and vulnerability. They explore how they have both sought joy and meaning and where it is bringing them to both personally and professionally.
Transcript
Stephen Christopher 0:02 Hey there. How's it going? Stephen Christopher here for today's episode of connect the dots from the exciting unknown podcast with my awesome co host, Laura Sanchez, Laura, what's going on? Unknown Speaker 0:13 Nothing another day in paradise? Stephen Christopher 0:15 Nothing. Oh, come on, there's got to be at least one crazy thing going on right now or interesting thing in life. Life is just interesting, right? Like, every time you think we kind of are figuring out what's happening, it changes up again. So I would say life's pretty darn interesting right now. Yeah, Yeah, I would agree. Okay, cool. So today, we're going to talk a little bit about the interview that we did with Sherry walling, and kind of what we put into place and the things that we pull out of it. It was a really, it was a really good interview. I mean, I've had the pleasure of knowing share for a little while. And anytime I get stuck, like anytime I get in my head, or anytime I'm going through like a really hard time, whether it's business or personal, I can call her and I just say, Okay, here's kind of what's going on here. I'm feeling she's like, oh, we're here, ask this question or do this. And one of my favorite quotes that she always asked me what my favorite questions she always asked me is, especially when she sees like videos on Facebook, or when she sees me share something positive. She always messages me and says, Hey, I really hope the inside matches the outside. And it's such a great question. Because I think about that question all the time. Like, especially when I'm creating content or sharing content, I always think I'm like, Wait, does the inside actually match the outside of what I'm saying? And if it doesn't, I'll actually go back and rerecord it or tweak it so that it's more transparent and more actually, in alignment. Unknown Speaker 1:41 Isn't that interesting? Because I think so many of us, Stephen Christopher 1:44 particularly people who own your own business, there's kind of this pressure to always be x, whatever x is right? To always show up to always show up for your employees, right. So, you know, you walk in the door, and you put on a happy face, even if the world is falling apart around you. Or you don't show emotion, or there's the flip side of that too. And on the flip side, the other part, which is fake it till you make it. Yeah. And so sometimes I think that we do fake it and we get up and we maybe record content, and we say, Hey, this is how it is. Unknown Speaker 2:23 But what you're saying, based on what Sherry is his way to make check yourself there and say, Okay, wait a minute. Does this really is it genuine? I think that's what it's really asking. Right? Stephen Christopher 2:32 Yeah. Yeah. Is it authentic? And I think that, you know, not that we need to go down this tangent about like social media and stuff and how people portray themselves. And you're right, it's always this fake until you make it or here's who I think I should be. And, you know, much like most people, I think I struggled with that for a long time, wanting to make sure that I was putting out something that was helpful to other people. But it wasn't always exactly in alignment with how I was truly feeling. And so over the last several years, I've gotten a lot better about just sharing, hey, here's, I don't know, here's what's up like, hey, probably most often thing or one of the most often things I share is a crappy meditation today. Because we get in our heads, and we think that you know, every meditation has to be good. And it's got to be, we've got to be in the zone and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, we don't have to be. So things like that. And then especially things like in the business world, right? business is not perfect, right? And we don't ever really perfect. We don't ever want to kind of admit that we might be struggling. Yeah, that we're failing. In our minds. we're failing, right? You don't go out and share that with people and say, I don't know what the EFF I'm doing. Yeah. Instead, you say, Oh, yeah, things are good. And you know, maybe we were struggling with this, but you massage it, because you don't want to be vulnerable. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, with wit, I have done that in the past where I wanted it to. I wanted to share something positive that I learned, but I didn't always want to go super deep into the how I actually learned. And I was always associated with how you got there, right? I was afraid a lot of times that a client a wit client would see it and be like, Oh, wait, like they don't have their act together. But what I've learned is it's actually the opposite work. And everybody has very similar problems. And you actually can relate more to people when you're just true and authentic. So that goes with, you know, all the whole a lot of work that like Bernie brown does, right about, you know, we armor up, right, we put on armor, we think we're going to battle, which means we're going to protect ourselves, we're going to not show up as we truly are. And that results in us not feeling empowered, it results in shame, it results in guilt, all of those things that none of us want to feel. But we think we were doing it to protect ourselves. Yeah. Which is just counterintuitive, right? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think the other thing that Sherry raised that really stuck with me as she was talking about her her case Your career and how I think you asked her like, well, how did you know? And she was talking about these exercises that she did where every day, she would write down the high and the low of the day. Just like one word, not an explanation, not about how she felt. But just, this was my high today, and this was my low, and then looking back at those over a period of time, how insightful that could be of where your desires, what what really makes you happy, is obviously usually our highs are associated with things that we enjoy doing that we want more of, and those things that you really don't like to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a really cool exercise. That I played with it a little bit since the show. I didn't I haven't done it every single day. Yeah. But when I do think about it, at the end of the day, I write down my highs and lows. And you're right, a lot of times, it's the A lot of times the high isn't necessarily something that I thought it was going to be, or I would have thought of, but when I paid attention to documenting my high, I was like, oh, wow, it's like, actually, this challenging conversation was the high of the day or this thing that didn't necessarily exactly go right, or maybe even wasn't finished yet. You know, there's not an actual conclusion. It was some of those things that maybe took a little more energy and effort or a little bit more learning, or I got to use a skill for the first time. And I still wasn't great at it. But I got to use that skill. So that was really interesting. Yeah, see, I think for I think if you are a person that is struggling with, you know, I'm not really sure what I want. I'm not fulfilled right now. I'm not happy. I'm about ready to exit my business, or I'm looking for a change of career. It might be a good tool to use to help you figure out what is it that you should be looking towards if you really don't have any idea? Yeah, yeah. Let's see if I had an I think I had one or two other things from her that I thought were really good. What? Why are you looking for that one of the other something else that came out of it for me? That is really cool that she does is she does the trapeze? I can't remember what it is basically the aerial acrobatics, right. And so she's a kind of a performer. Yeah. And it was just really cool to see somebody really putting time and energy into a passion. That's not you know, a business. It's just something that's fun. It's something that challenges her. And she really enjoyed it. And so that made me continue to pay attention. Like Okay, wait, what am I doing for fun and fulfillment? Outside of day to day work? Yeah, that was a really good reminder. I haven't got on a trapeze yet. But otherwise, I now follow her on social media. And it's pretty cool. Yeah, like, it's a little bit inspiring. I went so far, I haven't got on trapeze yet. But I did go so far as to find some classes near me that I could take. Unknown Speaker 7:50 So I'm close. I'll be waiting for those. I'll come and take pictures. Stephen Christopher 7:54 Take pictures. Oh, you won't want to do it. Unknown Speaker 7:58 I guess I can wear a GoPro. Stephen Christopher 8:00 There you go. There you go. I like it, which, you know, kind of tied into one of the other things I had that she talked about, which was really powerful for me, what was the fact that as entrepreneurs, we're always focused on the future, right? What comes next? We're building our business, we are working towards a tree achieving this dream that we set out? And how could our business satisfy that. And she talked about the importance of also being present in the moment. And also being able to look at your past, because wisdom comes from the past. And presence brings you the reality, to build the future. And I just thought the way she described that was really good, because sometimes you and I even had that discussion. Right about, is it about? Do you want to focus on the present, the past or the future? And I really, I really think it's all three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think we can get caught trying to be solely in the present. And not paying attention to taking the lessons and stuff from the past, into the present. And then, and then again, into the future, right. It's an interesting, I wouldn't say battle, but it's an interesting thing to watch happen with presence and learning from the past and not having too many expectations into the future, because the future is going to unfold in really, really cool ways if we let it. But we still need to bring some of that information and to write something but even just to know when an opportunity happens, yeah, to be able to be like, Okay, this is an opportunity that number one, I didn't expect it to happen. I wasn't planning for it, but it is in line with where I'm at right now. And I know from the past that I should take advantage of this or I shouldn't take advantage of it. Yeah. Awesome. Um, Any other any other real key takeaways that came from Alan or anything else that you've kind of like, put into practice like with her? I just that I, you know, I'll say it again, the whole inside matching the outside outside is really big for me. And I know we didn't talk about that a whole lot in the interview, but it's something that has been really impactful from her stuff. Yeah, I thought one other little thing. And, again, it's more of a tool than anything else is people were talking about awareness with her. And that when she finds herself or you know, somebody she's working with struggling with emotions, she will ask them, How did you feel in the moment? Unknown Speaker 10:43 Right, so like, if you were frustrated, because Stephen Christopher 10:47 a conversation went really, really poorly and you thought you didn't handle it? Well, and you're trying to figure out okay, what, what, what did I do? What didn't I do? How would I do it differently? is asking yourself, okay, in that moment wouldn't happen. How old did I feel? And she was like, you know, it might take you back to, I felt like I was eight, and I just got in trouble at school. Or it might be I felt like I was, you know, 42. And I was having a argument with my significant other or whatever it is, because that really ties them to the emotions that you were feeling. Yeah. And I haven't used that yet. But I think that can be really, really powerful. Yeah, that's a really good one I had kind of, I actually kind of forgot about that one. But now I'm going to take it and pull it and use it. Yeah. Cuz I can think through a couple experiences that I've had, where the conversation maybe didn't go the way that I wanted it to, or the the thing wasn't happening or unfolding the way that I would have preferred it to. And I can kind of picture Okay, wait, that was like, I felt like 10 like, helpless. I didn't have the tools. I was frustrated and kind of got caught up in that frustration and like, couldn't see anything else almost like had blinders on. So I couldn't pull from my, my higher intelligence or my current experiences, to pull that back. So that's a really good one that I had forgotten about. It's funny, as you were talking about that I was just thinking about today, I was working on some content for our new class that's going to be coming up. And I found myself all of a sudden feeling like, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, wait a minute, like, this is too much. And then I was like, but but but it needs to be this. It needs to be more to be good. And now if I look at that, you know what I that emotion, what I was feeling right there goes back to probably junior high, feeling like I was doing something for school. And I didn't really know what to do. And I knew it needed to be more. And if I wasn't good enough, I wasn't going to get a good grade. Yeah. Hmm. Very interesting. Well, you're more about that. Awesome. Well, cool. Thank you so much for hanging out with Laura and I today as we went through today's connect the dots episode after our interview with Sherry walling, if you haven't gotten checked her out yet. I highly, highly recommend it. Her podcast is amazing. The stuff she's doing with her husband is amazing. And then just even the work that she does alone to help entrepreneurs keep their shit together. The book is really really good as well. So I highly recommend the work that she's doing. Especially right now as we're in this crazy, weird, crazy, weird, uncertain times. She is phenomenal at helping us through this type of stuff, so go check out her work if you haven't. Thanks for tuning into today's episode of the connect the dots. Make sure to stay tuned for the next episode of the exciting unknown podcast and until then, embrace the exciting unknown
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