012a Connect the Dots from Greg Habstritt

We talk about what we learned from Greg Habstritt and some of the patterns we are seeing in many of our guests’ journeys.  We also explore some of the tools Greg Habstritt suggested that we have used and are trying out in our lives.

​Links:
www.inspiredinteraction.com
lsanchez@inspiredinteraction.com
stephen@infinite.fm
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Transcript

​Stephen Christopher  0:02  

Hey, welcome to today's episode of connecting the dots from the exciting unknown podcast and Stephen Christopher. And here with me is my awesome co host, Laura Sanchez. What's up, Laura? Hey. Awesome. So today we are recapping the interview that we did a little while back with Greg hamstring, a really, really great interview, there was a lot of there's a lot of like, really deep, deep conversations that we had with Greg and you know, Greg has been, I mean, Greg's been all around the world, put on huge events.

I mean, the Dalai Lama, Bill Clinton, just just massive connection that he has, and he seems so much around the world and he's seen so many different types of people, and gotten to pull all of that together and interweave that with his own personal growth and come up with this really deep and impactful

Unknown Speaker  0:58  

stuff

Unknown Speaker  0:58  

and he's so thoughtful.

Stephen Christopher  1:01  

Yeah, I think that, you know, that was one of my overarching feelings after our episode with him is how thoughtful he is, in terms of exactly pulling all of those things together. And his work in I don't know, six or 12 different types of industries over the years. A huge amount of resources for sure. Yeah, he's a great example.

He reminds me of how important it is to always be looking internal, as well as external, because there's never that you know, I talk about it, at least from my perspective, a lot. There is no finish line. There's only milestones. And I think it's just important to always pay attention to that that no matter how many things that we do, that Demas excess successful, or how many boxes we check off, there's still an infinite number of opportunities in additional boxes to check off along the way. So just always doing that work on ourselves and never being satisfied or never thinking that we've come to a finish line.

Those are some of the things that I pulled away and have been working through or working on since the interview that we did with well, and I know one of those things for both of us was just his approach to trauma. Right? Yeah. And you know how he described it as usually, when you hear the word trauma, you know, you think of something very overt, something that happened to you, you know, you were abused, your, your parents died, you, your parents got divorced. You ran away from home or you know, those kinds of things. But his

Unknown Speaker  2:39  

insight into trauma is also the

Stephen Christopher  2:44  

internal response that you have to a situation. Maybe start to think about, okay, what kind of things have I had in my childhood in my life, that were really about that type of trauma? Yeah, yeah. It's not always something that happens to us. That was it. That was good. Because, you know, when I hear the word trauma, I always think, Well, you know, kind of much like Greg, I didn't really have any trauma based on my old definition growing up in my life.

And so I was like, Well, you know, I had a pretty decent childhood, I shouldn't have too many issues to work through. I shouldn't have too many things that are impacting how I show up in the world now. But it helped me realize, wait, there's actually some things that that have happened and how my what my interpretation of them was at the time growing up, that caused or even anchored in some of that trauma. So it's, it's helped me go back and look at some of those.

I mean, I think his example that he shared was when his mom said, You know, I won't get in between you and your dad or you and your brother. And he interpreted that to mean, I can't I'm not safe or I can't count on your I can't count on you. And you know, who knows how many decades he he unconsciously lived with that and made decisions Without until he recognized it. And I think for me, it's I don't think we need to go back and spend, you know, years sitting on a therapist couch going back and, and looking for these exact things.

But I think even just being open to the idea that a lot of the ways that we feel and that we interact today are potentially from something that happened, that we may never actually know what it is. But that's okay, that we don't we don't need to go back and look for exactly what it is. But just just the knowing of, Hey, you know, why is it that every time I go to a gas station, I get triggered or anxious, like, I don't know, maybe something, maybe something happened there that I might never actually know what it is.

But now I can at least start to become aware of it and process maybe ask some deeper questions. Right, which is why is that what where does that come from? You know, I think that It also for me, was this a real foundation that, you know, my parents got divorced when I was 12. And I built a, a story. As a 12 year old, I built a story of what that meant in life. And, you know, my parents, you know, good, bad, right or wrong. And I think, you know, one of our other guests said this, which is, you know, our parents do the best they can know, right? I mean, unless you are abused or something like that, as a child. Parents just do the best they can. And so my parents did the best they can.

They thought it was a good thing to sit my brother and I down and say, Hey, we're divorcing, and we're going to be living in separate households. You know, you're old enough. We want you to be happy. Where would you like to live? Now, I think a lot of people are cringing at this point going What? Like who would ask their That time 10 and 12 year old that question, um, and I made it to I wanted to live with my father. But I made a choice to live with my mother.

Because if the moment the emotions what my environment what I was experiencing is my mother was devastated by the divorce. She was a wreck, which who could blame right? So I thought she needed me. I thought, well, I will do I'll Be the good girl, I'll go to the person who needs me that response to trauma, right set up for me then a pattern in my life of not necessarily doing what I want, but doing what I think I need to do to help someone else that has pain in their life, which that can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing.

So I really resonated with Greg's discussion about his parents and those kind of things. Yeah, my parents didn't think they were do how I respond to it. Yeah. Crazy. One of the things that I got from his episode is the remarkable question. And his his journey and seeing this, this elder and the owl, and what question is the owl, Alaska? Right?

And essentially, the question was, who are you? Or let's see, it was, are you going to be? Are you going to be you? Or are you going to be accepted? So you're going to show up as yourself? Or you're going to, or you're going to work towards being accepted?

And I think that's a really great question. And I've kind of been sitting with it since we did the interview with him. And before I do certain things out in public, even before I do, like videos and stuff, I'm like, Okay, wait, who am I going to be? Am I going to be my true self here or am I going to be working towards being accepted and I've caught myself a couple times where I was going to say, you know this or go this little direction, but it was leaning a little bit more towards being accepted, as opposed to just being who I truly am, and and tweaked it.

And what I've found is that, you know, when I look back over life, and I've done this right being being more of my true, authentic self when I'm doing something, when I look back at all of those examples, I'm always more accepted when I'm showing up as my true self, than as if I was going to try and be accepted, right? Because what we want is acceptance. Right? So then when we don't show up as our true selves, we fake it, right? And we're accepted. It doesn't feel like acceptance, because we're like, you don't accept me. That's really not who I am.

So we don't get what we're looking for by doing that. Yep. It's this reverse thing that happens as opposed to just show up as you and you get that Acceptance and then it feels so much better. Yep, absolutely. So that was that was a great reminder.

For me, that was a really good one. And then the the additional one that he talked about as far as like relaxation and breath work, that was a really good one. So how do we how do we react in a situation that is anxiousness, right, like we breathe in, we hold our breath or tense our shoulders, and I've watched this show up since we did the, the recording to when I feel like a little bit anxious or I feel like something maybe isn't going quite the way that I wanted to.

I start to become aware of stress, right? And I'm like, holy cow, shoulders are all holding my breath, my heart rate starting to, to rise. And so I've been using that in those moments. say, Okay, wait. take a nice deep breath and then breathe out and let my shoulders relax and my heart It'll come down. And it's actually amazing because I start to think a little bit clear. And I start to connect more with Okay, wait, why am I really doing this thing? What is my real outcome that I actually desire? And sometimes I'll make a little bit different decision or I'll take it in a slightly different direction. And it just all comes from that awareness of way to my, my 10. So am I holding my breath.

And if I am, then that shows me that I'm in a state that is not in alignment with where I actually want to be or where I want to come from. Right? So be that first, that awareness, right? And then second of all, just say that, Okay, I'm going to exhale, I'm going to go and then you can evaluate what you want to do where you want to go with the decision, the circumstances, whatever it might be. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So those are really good ones. Any other things that came out for you or that you've been kind of testing out the only thing and I have not tested this out yet, but um, I had never I've heard this before, and apparently it's been around a while.

So, um, the have do B versus B do have I'm not sure which order they go in yet. But the concept is I understood it and maybe Steven, you've got some some more experience with this is, well, if I want to have certain things in life, I want to have a family, I want to have a nice house, I want to have you know, a yacht.

Therefore, I need to do certain things. Right, I need to get a college degree, I need to, you know, be really smart, and then I will be happy. No, right, versus flipping it the other way around, which is being like, okay, I want to be myself. I want to be who I feel like I'm meant to be. Therefore, I'm going to do certain things that are in alignment with that, and as a result, I will have an amazing life which might be listening because if you told me that 10 years ago, I would have, it would have been a little bit more of a struggle for me to say, Okay, well, if I be myself, then I do and do these certain things, and I'm going to have what I want.

Well, I would say, but I want a yacht. Yeah. So how? Give me a yacht Exactly. And so the really, really important thing to pay attention to here is that a lot of the times when we're being our true self, and we're doing those things that are in alignment that make us feel good, what we actually end up having might not be what we think we wanted to have, it will always be better.
So if we thought I really want a yacht, most of the time, there's a deeper thing that we want. We don't right The freedom that a yacht has, or the experiences that I think I'm gonna get by exactly being on the water and traveling to exotic places or whatever it could be love, connection, friendship, you know, you could just desire people to be around you and stuff like that.

So to recognize that you're always going to have something better at the end of it. But it might not match up with what you think that thing is today. Because I know, like I said, 10 years ago, if you would have told me that I've been like, well, being myself isn't gonna make me do these things to actually get what I want to have.

But now I've started to recognize that I might not know what the habit is, and that's okay. But if I'm following the kind of that path and being my true self, and just leaning more into that, and doing those actions that feel good, and doing those things that come along, I'm gonna end up having something that's even better and more fulfilling than the thing that I thought it might have been.
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Good point. Point. Yep. Awesome. Okay, well, thank you so much for hanging out with Laura and I, too. For the connect the dots Episode One, Greg hab stret Make sure to stay tuned for the next episode of the exciting unknown podcast where we're going to interview. Guess what? Another absolutely amazing. Yes, yes. Because that's the only kind of guests that we have. So again, thanks so much for tuning in. We appreciate you and until next time, embrace.